Which stag do are you?

Now into my 32nd year, I’ve seen many of my friends get married, and with (nearly) every wedding comes a stag do. I reckon I’m into double figures for the number of stag dos I’ve been on, all of them different and good in different ways. There’s a stag do for every groom (and a hen do for every bride), which of these have you been on, and which of these was yours?

The low-key affair

For the groom/best man who either can’t be bothered or just wants to do it the old-fashioned way – one night, a meal, pub and maybe a club after, and then home. I’ve been to a few of these and there’s nothing wrong with them at all – people don’t spend money they don’t have and it just means you’ve got to fit the fun and laughs into one night. Remember, it’s quality, not quantity.

The total groom stitch up

In most cases, the groom will be subjected to some ‘treatment’ at some point during the event. But, in some of those cases, the groom is totally humiliated. I’m pleased to say that wasn’t the case on my stag do; my best man singled me out for some embarrassment, which is only right, but that’s where it ended. One stag do I attended saw the groom walking around Bristol in an indecently short skirt which left nothing to the imagination. He was visibly annoyed, and I don’t blame him.

The expensive one

It’s when you learn how much you’re going to have to pay that you wish you were going on the aforementioned ‘low-key affair’. There is a real appetite for expensive whole-weekend stag dos these days, and the most expensive of all are the ones where you have to board a plane to get there. I’ve been on two such stag dos – Dublin and Prague – and they were fantastic trips, but when you pay £200 just to get there and back, they’ve got to be.

The chilled one

Last weekend, I went on one of my favourite stag dos, and it was one of the least stag-do-ish of all. Ten of us hired a big, 40ft boat for the weekend and sailed along the Norfolk Broads. We all took turns to sail the thing (I don’t like to boast but there was some expert mooring from me), the rest of the time we were sat on top of it, drinking some beers, lazing in the glorious sunshine and taking in the sights and listening to the lapping of the water. Bliss. Who needs shots when you’ve got a boat (though we did do some shots on the Saturday night, when we sojourned into Norwich. I broke a table, too, but it wasn’t my fault).

The messy one

Sometimes, you just have to accept it’s going to be heavy weekend and leave your doubts at the door. It takes a certain sort of best man, a certain sort of stag and requires the majority of the stag party to be of a similar ilk – that that treats the event as a mission. If you’re outnumbered, you’re buggered – best thing you can do is embrace it and do your best. There’ll be a few laughs along the way, but the fun aspect is almost secondary the overriding aim of the weekend, which is to drink as much as is humanly possible. Not entirely pleasant if you ask me, but there’ll be some stories to tell at the end of it, if you can remember them.

The disorganised one

I’ve been on stag dos in the past where you’ve been told by the best man to keep a particular weekend free. And that’s the extent of the organisation. I’ve got to the day before the event without knowing where we’re going or what we’re doing – sometimes the best man himself didn’t know. But this disorganisation can actually improve a stag do, adding a certain unpredictability, some freedom to proceedings. Then again, it can lead to a lot of wandering about aimlessly, with no destination in mind. It can go either way.

The very organised one

The antithesis of the disorganised stag do is the one which has been organised to within an inch of its life. These are good in one sense, as you’re doing plenty, and it means the money you’ve spent to be there – and the distance travelled – is well worth it. Then again, there comes a point where all you want to do is stop and have a beer.

There’s a case to made that some stag-dos can fall into more than one category; for example I’ve been stag dos that are both disorganised and end up with the groom getting totally stitched up. I’ve been on low-key affairs which have been both chilled and messy.

But whatever category your stag (or hen) do falls into, all that really makes or breaks it is the people you’re with. Go with a cracking bunch of lads (or girls), and you’ll have a cracking time. So, which stag do are you?